there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
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I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
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I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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