Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just high enough for therapy.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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