I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
