I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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