I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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