the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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