He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Damn victory sex feels great
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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