Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
