We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
