What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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