But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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