Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
