Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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