me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
