Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Randomize
