im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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