There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
