my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
