32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
