At least make sure they are 18
Why
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
