i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
