That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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