I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
