I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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