1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
