My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
