Please don't use social media to get back at me.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
