Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
