had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
