if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize