that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
