if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
