Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
