She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
