Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
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you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
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I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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