Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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