dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
