My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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