Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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