im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
