it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
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He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
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He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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