Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I think my vagina is haunted
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
