apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
