i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
