I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
