can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
