i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
