nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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