FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
