I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
