You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
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why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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