I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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