I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
