I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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