I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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