Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
