i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
even my farts smell like vagina
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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