I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
