Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
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Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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