I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
