he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
