At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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